Introduction
According to Bowen Family Systems Theory a central goal in therapy is to increase one's differentiation in significant relationships, and most importantly, in one's family of origin relationships. This involves the ability to remain emotionally present, engaged and non reactive in emotionally charged situations, whilst simultaneously expressing one's own goals, values and principles. This must be attempted without insisting or expecting that others change, and without being thrown off track by others' disapproving or anxious reactions.
Throughout my own personal effort to define a more emotionally independent self within my family of origin, the most profound feelings of frustration, rejection, disapproval and disappointment have been encountered. This experience is consistent with Bowen's prediction that, while the outcome of increased differentiation is improved emotional equilibrium and capacity for self soothing, the process of getting there, is in fact anxiety generating. While Bowen Family Systems Theory clearly emphasises that the 'royal road' to differentiation requires an ability to hold on and stay 'on course' while feeling emotionally distressed, the specifics of how one stays on course, have, this author believes, received less attention within the Family Systems literature.