Defining Self Soothing - A Brief Review
The term 'Self Soothing' and references to this process can be found in various contexts throughout the psychotherapy literature. Most commonly references to self soothing are found in the more recent, post-Freud psychodynamic tradition where it refers to an individual's efforts or capacity to calm oneself while in a state of emotional distress and during subsequent autonomic nervous system arousal. From this perspective the capacity for self soothing is believed to develop through the internalisation of soothing or comforting experiences during early development. Many of the contemporary psychoanalytic theories and approaches (in particular, self psychology and the inter-subjective /relational theories) would argue, to varying degrees, that deficits in this capacity can be corrected through the appropriately managed transference relationship (Kernberg, 2007).
The Object Relations School has focussed on the role of empathy and the holding environment as it relates to people with deficits in the capacity for self comforting. These approaches propose that the repeated working through of early disruptions and events within the transference relationship and the therapist's cognitive and affective tolerance leads to a greater capacity of clients to sustain empathic failures in their personal relationships. (Mitchell and Black, 1995)
Self Psychology approaches have highlighted the role of validation of subjective experience (mirroring transference). They propose that such an approach strengthens affect tolerance and aids in the development of functional capacities to assist in regulating affects and impulses. Through the transference with the therapist as a new selfobject the patient internalises the therapist as an idealised source of strength and calmness. (Lerner 2008)
The Attachment Theory literature also offers a perspective on Self Soothing. Mikulincer and Shaver (2004) grapple with the question of how secure attachment is related to the development and consolidation of an autonomous self. They cite recent empirical findings which imply that secure attachment is associated not only with support seeking but also with establishing the self as the main executive agency of the mind.
"It seems that securely attached people can rely on either attachment figures or their own resources and skills when dealing with threats. That is, they can choose to deal with threats autonomously or rely on others without feeling that support seeking implies personal helplessness or vulnerability" (p167).
They tentatively conclude that security enhancing interactions with attachment figures facilitates the construction of specific soothing processes within the self.
The above perspectives on Self Soothing imply that the development of this capacity may involve, or even depend upon, the validation or soothing from another person, or external source. In contrast, David Schnarch (1997) who draws directly on the work of Murray Bowen, the originator of the concept of Differentiation, proposes that self soothing involves meeting two core challenges of selfhood - on the one hand, not losing the self to the pressures and demands of others, and on the other, developing a capacity for self centering, that is stabilising one's own emotions and fears. This is achieved through turning inward and accessing one's own resources to regain emotional balance and comfort without excessive indulgence or deprivation.
References to self soothing have also been found in the work of Marcia Linehan (1993) in developing the Dialetical Behavioural Therapy approach. Linehan's reference to self soothing is brief, but part of the larger and more comprehensive construct of 'Distress Tolerance' for which the skills include distraction, self soothing, improving the moment, and thinking of the pros and cons. She describes self soothing as comforting, nurturing and being kind to oneself through pleasant activities using the five senses. The aim is to move one's mind away from troubling thoughts, feelings and impulses in order to gain immediate relief from distressing emotional reactions. Related to the broader construct of self soothing as discussed above, Linehan also describes the use of emotion regulation and mindfulness skills as separate and distinct categories.
This summary which is by no means an exhaustive review of the literature on self soothing is included for the purposes of contrasting a Family Systems view.